The majority of couples who break up and go through the procedure of divorce barely stay friends. The fight in court leaves them frustrated and angry even after the process is over, so maintaining a friendly bond seems to be impossible. Yet some couples manage to save good relations after divorce. How do they do that? What do they know that allows them to spend their kids’ birthdays together and how to stay friends with your ex? In this post, you will find out the answers to these questions.
Should you even try?
Since divorce is one of the most painful experiences that one may have during their life, the question of whether you need to stay friends with your ex-husband or ex-wife seems ridiculous. However, if you take some time to think of the pros and cons of keeping a friendly bond with your partner, you will see that it is not so poor perspective. Divorce and friendshipare compatible in case two people want it.
How to stay friends after divorce? Steps to follow
If you have already filed Pennsylvania divorce forms and now hope to find a common language with your partner to stay friends in the future, the following tips are for you.
Let yourself cry over your marriage
Once the relationship you were in is over for a long time, you may feel that something massive is missing. This is true: a big part of your life and even your personality is gone now, so you shouldn’t force yourself to forget it as soon as possible. Grieve enough before you start communicating with your ex-spouse again. For the sake of your kids and yourself, let yourself rest and recover mentally and physically after divorce.
Don’t rush to restore your bond
You may feel tempted to become friends with your ex soon after divorce, especially if you were the one who did not agree to divorce. This is a misleading desire that you should not follow if you don’t want to screw your moral state and self-worth in the long run. What you should do is take some time off to accept the fact that you are not together anymore and then start to communicate for some meaningful reason, e.g. your kids, pets, etc.
Take small steps forward
Do not be too active when it comes to restoring your bond and getting in touch with your partner. There is no need to invite them to have parties with your friends, call them every day, or text them now and then. Instead, talk about the things that are important to both of you, and step-by-step your relations will get back to casual. To fill in the emptiness you feel after divorce, talk more to your relatives, friends, and other people who are close to you.
Hang out with your kids together
After some time passes and you realize that you are ready to be around your partner without a trace of sorrow and nostalgia about your marriage, start organizing pastimes for your kids together. It may be a walk in the woods, going to movies, or an amusement park, etc. The memories you create will help your kids accept your divorce and feel loved by their parents even after it.
Deny the temptation to get intimate again
Since women are much more emotional than men when it comes to sex, we suggest that you refrain from getting intimate with your ex-husband. Although he knows you pretty well and sex with him is something you used to enjoy, falling into the trap of intimacy may cost you a lot. Making out with your ex-spouse will complicate the process of healing and moving on for you, so don’t try it. If you were the one who dumped your partner, initiating sex will also worsen your relations: we bet you wouldn’t want them to believe that you still can be together as a couple. Also, having sex will not contribute to quality friendship.
Although it does not seem easy after divorce (in particular, if either of you cheated or lied), you need to put an effort into reestablishing trust if you want to be friends again. To do that, you need to keep your promises, be sincere and ready to discuss the issues you have. Also, spreading rumors about each other will not help to build friendship, so don’t criticize your partner in front of other people and say ‘no’ to talk mean about them with others.
The last thing you need to do to remember if you want to be friends with your ex-husband is stay optimistic. In case you don’t manage to start a friendship with them, your mental health will stay strong and you will widen your social circle with people who appreciate your company. Otherwise, if you finally become friends, you will provide your kids with a prosperous ground for their development.